I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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