actually, I'm a sock model
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
