this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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