His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
