Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
