Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
