I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
