I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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