She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
