I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
