...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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