my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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