I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
