Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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