Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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