Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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