whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
