That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
