Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
