if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
