i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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