They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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