I wanna bring you to show and tell
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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