He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
