38 yer olds are good kisserssss
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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