R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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