Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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