I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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