i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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