dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
