allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Green mimosas i think yes
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
