He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
