they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
