He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
