It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i believe in u and ur pee
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
