A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
