he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
