Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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