How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
