Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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