Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize