Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
