fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's blow job season.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
