A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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