one two three fourrrrnication!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
