we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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