...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
