K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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