my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
