she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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