apparently the secret to your success is patron
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
