she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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