Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
