chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
