smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
