So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
