i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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