So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
