About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
