Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
