the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
