My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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