yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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