he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need to calm my uterus...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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