worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
