Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
