I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
