I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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