ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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