When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
