Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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