i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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