i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
