Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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