The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
