i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize